ReFLEXion: FEARS

Confession: maybe three people genuinely know me. It’s my greatest fear — to open up. (My body literally shuts off around people)

This makes me sad.

I’ve let my past determine my present and alter my future for too long. Being told I was evil, the devil, weird, socially awkward, different ext my entire childhood made me believe those things for so long. God gave me the strength to overcome those things so it’s time I honor Him by showing the world I don’t believe those things. 

In 2017 I am making a conscious effort to show my true self despite my past rejection. After all, my childhood rejection from siblings and peers were just the circumstances in my life I had to face and overcome. I am greatly appreciative for them. They molded me into the writer and adult I am today.

I’m making this confession on here as a declaration to be more open on my page and blog. In order to grow professionally, I need to make the effort. I love everyone but my actions to not speak this. I need to actively love you all! I hope you all understand how hard this is for me and encourage me through this barrier of fear.

We all have fears and I would love nothing more than to push through them together. I encourage you to tell me your biggest fear and let the act of courage break the ice wall that has been holding you back!

May this coming new year bring many positive changes in all your lives! Sending peace and love to you all!

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Hand-in-Hand, We Stand

The power to shape a multitude of minds needs to go to the hands of the Almighty and his followers. It’s time to stand up and shout the truth. We are all among the same. And we all want one thing — to love and be loved. As long as each of us represent love as our embodiment, we are protected by God.

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If we were to all join hands, with this same goal, we could all reach our potential. Don’t leave it to fate, the sneaking hand that wipes a shadow through your lighted path, to decide. And, don’t leave it to your choices — we make mistakes. We are man and imperfect.
Fate and destiny are two separate things. 

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Fate becomes reality when someone else interferes. Your life was not “destined” to be that way; but, because someone decide to swing so off course, he momentarily landed in your “light to guide your path,” you hit a piece of their problem. If you were soaring right along heading in the highway because you were on track, well, sometimes it’s a fatal crash. A tragic loss.
Destiny is where you are heading. You have a lighted, narrow path waiting to lead you to your destiny; but, you have to find it. In order to find it, you must look. This path has plenty of branches that rub or occasionally hit you. Do not turn away from this path; because eventually, it finds the higher road that sees the sun every day.
Choices are Our Paths
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There are times we must all face choices — some are easy, some are hard. Sometimes, the lesson has to be learned the hard way. Choices are paths; they determine how long it will take to get somewhere. Sometimes, they block things from ever occurring. But by our choices, we become who we are in the present. This moment was made by those choices so we should see our mistakes and pick the positive out of them. It will be tools to help you along the repaired road — because God always gives us another chance.
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He nurtures you so that you may grow. He prunes you so that you may produce. But he also gives you a passion to use as a channel to reach your highest.

A Present State-of-Mind: The fine line between Strength and Weakness

Nothing gives me insight more than not finding time to write down my thoughts. They get so jammed up; I feel like I will explode! At the first chance, it comes pouring out. .

. .I am one big walking fortune cookie. I have this wisdom and foresight, most of the time, I have to clue what to do with. I tend to put people off when I speak. It’s like a different language to most; and, for some reason, I can’t shut it off.

I function like an alien. I tend to think with my eyes in a virtual reality of the ideal. When I see a problem as it stands, I am designed to search for a solution.

My perception is insulting to the natural manner of most. Some tend to think I am correcting their behavior. I am learning to only give my input if asked; but, it seems unfair. I AM JUST TRYING TO HELP! 😛

Nothing makes me question my purpose/existence more than being surrounded by those who don’t understand me, who question my motives, or who need an explanation for my reasoning. After constant explaining, with little to no approval, it starts to eat away my confidence. Confidence that I, so patiently, built my foundation on.

If I’m surrounded by those who can’t accept or don’t understand how I am, I feel trapped in a life of seclusion and consuming fear of rejection. I put a great effort in fitting in; but, it just seems to kink up my insides. A problem easily fixed by support of others; but, if the people who surround my daily life seem to lack the capability to support me, my purpose and existence break down with my foundation.

For those who take these things out of context or see my words as judgment and ridicule, my “solutions” can be weary and draining. Therefore, soar straight over their heads — a classic case of misunderstanding. Motivation, positivity, and encouragement can only be empowering to those who seek it to be.

It has been a reoccurring issue in my life and I am starting to wonder if it’s because I have issues that personally need to be ironed out. What better way to adjust my focal point than to be in a room full of people who have a different view on life. Standing in a bubble of isolation forces me to analyze the reasons I was put there in the first place.

ReFLEXion: How will you be Remembered?

How will you be remembered? — For the ones shaped around what you leave behind. For the ones who desperately cling to something to hold onto.

Who will remember you? Being remembered only matters to them; because, when you are gone, you exist no more on Earth. When your journey is complete, you are only a memory — distant and blowing in the wind — the whispers of sweet and touching times. They matter greatly to those still on Earth; but, for you, existing has a whole new meaning.

How do you want to be remembered? Not for the legacy, but for the others who continue on this earth. It’s okay to be forgotten. Don’t be afraid of life’s ambiguity. If you seek to be immortalized, none will have really known you.

Leave a thought or comment —  I would love to hear them! 🙂

The Deepest Pain

The deepest pain is the unnatural — pain from problems of man. Problems of a selfish and lonely man — Lost and desperate. He tried to get rid of the pain; but, despite his effort, inflicted more into this world.

How can such a man exist? Are there no reasonable options? Were there none to hear the whispers? So far from life he had to shout to be heard? So many questions. None of which matter. The only thing, at the moment, that shall resonate with me is the imbalance of it all.

Unnatural and painful is this tragedy. The tragedy of a man, lost. Choosing violence as his way out, opened fire in a dark theatre. An intimate and cozy moment between lovers torn a million ways. Pieces of soul and mind split apart by the shock of it all. Like a View Master Reel, first, an image of ordinary content. Then click, flashes and her limp body in his helpless hands.

Death does not inspire me with words but fill blank spaces with questions and confusion that can never be understood. Only God can show its meaning….in time.

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Loss of words for this country. Another shooting. In the town that I live. My family is hurt and my only question is: How could someone be so thoughtless of the others he hurt?

Pray for the victims and the family. Pray for my town. Pray for my country and this world.

More information and thoughts on a later note.

ReFLEXion: Living in the Moment

I have trouble seeing the moment sometimes. My weakness is letting myself run so far ahead that I get overwhelmed with all of my ideas and intentions instead of following them as they are supposed to be. My patience wears thin and I have a million daily impulses to just give up.

I either look to far ahead or too close. It’s hard to see the beauty in something when you are looking at the thin black lines that create its detail for so long. It’s nice to take a step back and observe from the eye of the onlooker. To objectively seek it’s purpose from a distance far enough to see the whole picture.

Fluctuating from these extremes, I learn to appreciate moments, even if it is hard for me to live in them.