And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. 1Philippians 4:19
Two years ago, upon graduating college, my life came to a halt. My college life contained fragments of separate lives (part-time jobs, projects, friends from classes and work and college groups, activities, sports functions) all rolled into one consistently fast-paced and ever-changing evolution of life. But, after graduating, I found myself looped in drawn out days — unfocused and panic-filled — wondering, by now, if I should have a clue as to where my life was heading.
A few months after graduating, I was staring ahead at a full life but could not see where it was heading. I just started a 6-month training program for a full-time position at a reliable company. It wasn’t a dream job; but, after college, desperate for financial freedom, I found the first available job and held on to the idea that the job didn’t make the man. I needed money and once I had it, it would give me the independence and freedom I craved.
But just as I was about to settle down with the idea of settling, my husband and I found our family of two would soon be three. It was not planned and our financial goal did not factor in a child. My immediate instinct was to quit training and create a budget with one (his) income. But how could that be possible? So long, vacation in the mountains. Bye-bye cute maternity pictures and outfits.
It was such a scary idea, not to have a career, when my entire focus throughout college was to find what I was to do with my life. Thousands of dollars and 5 years later, I got the answer: a stay-at-home mom.
Never did I think, I was going to be penny-pinching and jobless. My dream was to be known, be a success, be someone admirable and accomplished, independent and sufficient. None of which I could see myself accomplishing without a job.
Those next few months of sitting and waiting snowballed into panicked anticipation. I started to second guess my decision as I watched our money dwindle down to almost nothing before our son was even born. Not to mention, I was becoming frazzled with the idea that my identity was wiped to nothing but “mother”. I was empty and felt lost. I didn’t understand why God wanted me to do this when my entire life was filled with dreams of places I wanted to see and people I wanted to become.
I continued to trust in God and my decision to do what was best for my family, instead of what was best for myself. I had no idea that this decision was what was best for myself. Months later, as a mother, I began to see my life transform. God changed me from the inside out and forced me to look at myself for who I was, not who I wanted to be.
Later, as an adult, my mother told me I had been prophesied over when I was a child as someone who would bring forth his word as a writer. Realizing, by going back to my roots, that writing is my calling I began to strategically plan my career. In doing so, I would be able to remain a stay-at-home mom. I started to see my life before me so clearly.
Since then, my husband has gotten an abundant amount of overtime and, in the mist of our economic slump, while seeing others lose their job or getting hours cut back, God has blessed us with a raise! We have remained debt-free and blessed with everything we’ve wanted or needed within reasonable means.
God has a plan for our lives before we understand it. I am so thankful I listened to him because I would have never found my path in the work force. I would have missed the opportunity to raise my amazing son, I would have missed the opportunity to find my true identity and I would have missed my opportunity for God to bless my family.
I can only imagine where He will take my family. I know one thing, I will listen to find out.