A Present State-of-Mind: The fine line between Strength and Weakness

Nothing gives me insight more than not finding time to write down my thoughts. They get so jammed up; I feel like I will explode! At the first chance, it comes pouring out. .

. .I am one big walking fortune cookie. I have this wisdom and foresight, most of the time, I have to clue what to do with. I tend to put people off when I speak. It’s like a different language to most; and, for some reason, I can’t shut it off.

I function like an alien. I tend to think with my eyes in a virtual reality of the ideal. When I see a problem as it stands, I am designed to search for a solution.

My perception is insulting to the natural manner of most. Some tend to think I am correcting their behavior. I am learning to only give my input if asked; but, it seems unfair. I AM JUST TRYING TO HELP! 😛

Nothing makes me question my purpose/existence more than being surrounded by those who don’t understand me, who question my motives, or who need an explanation for my reasoning. After constant explaining, with little to no approval, it starts to eat away my confidence. Confidence that I, so patiently, built my foundation on.

If I’m surrounded by those who can’t accept or don’t understand how I am, I feel trapped in a life of seclusion and consuming fear of rejection. I put a great effort in fitting in; but, it just seems to kink up my insides. A problem easily fixed by support of others; but, if the people who surround my daily life seem to lack the capability to support me, my purpose and existence break down with my foundation.

For those who take these things out of context or see my words as judgment and ridicule, my “solutions” can be weary and draining. Therefore, soar straight over their heads — a classic case of misunderstanding. Motivation, positivity, and encouragement can only be empowering to those who seek it to be.

It has been a reoccurring issue in my life and I am starting to wonder if it’s because I have issues that personally need to be ironed out. What better way to adjust my focal point than to be in a room full of people who have a different view on life. Standing in a bubble of isolation forces me to analyze the reasons I was put there in the first place.

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10 thoughts on “A Present State-of-Mind: The fine line between Strength and Weakness

  1. I am so the same way. Seriously, reading this post was like looking in a mirror.

    I’ve really done my best over the past few years to consciously scale back when I offer advice to someone or how much advice I offer (making the fact that I’m writing this as an offer of advice a bit ironic).

    One important thing I’ve learned is that people usually don’t want me to solve their problems for them. Even when I’ve known the solution and given someone the solution, they’d still do their own thing anyway. Why? Because they had to learn for themselves. That’s something I had to realize, that it’s okay to allow people to make their own mistakes and let them experience and learn for themselves. That’s why we’re all here, in these lives we have: to experience and learn. And really, some people are going to learn when someone tells them, “Don’t touch that hot stove,” while other people need to touch that hot stove for themselves to discover why they shouldn’t touch it. That’s life.

    This is why my approach, when sitting down and talking with someone, is first and foremost to simply listen and empathize. Usually, that’s really what a person is looking for: someone to understand their point of view and maybe let them vent their anger or sadness or whatever they’re feeling. They’re just looking for someone to be there for them, even if it’s only as a temporary friend. Think about those times when you were hurting and no one would listen to you, how alone you felt, how that hurt just sat in you and festered. That’s what people are generally looking for, someone to remind them that they’re not alone, someone to pull that hurt from them. Whenever I finish talking with someone, if the only thing they say to me before they leave is, “I feel so much better getting that out,” I’ll know I’ve accomplished what I was supposed to accomplish with them.

    However, if I want to give a person advice, if I feel in my heart that this person needs to hear something that I have to say, then I will say it. But I won’t just say, “This is what you should do.” I’ll say supportive things like, “You’re not wrong,” or, “Don’t worry about that thing,” and I’ll try to explain why it’s okay, how you can get a purpose out of making mistakes simply by learning from them.

    One thing I like to do, though, while a person is talking, is ask small questions. “How did that make you feel?” “Do you think it’s okay that you feel that way?” “Why is this so important to you?” In one case of someone talking with me about abuse she was taking, I asked her, “Do you realize that this kind of treatment is not okay, it’s not normal, it’s not out of love?” In an extreme case like that, I’ll do my best to steer someone to getting professional help. But usually, in everyday problems, it’s simply a matter of asking small questions as a way of leading someone to coming around to the advice I was going to give them that they likely wouldn’t have taken but are more open to now because they thought of it and so understand it in their own mind.

    That’s basically my goal: listen, empathize, question, help someone to connect with something they already know inside their own hearts and minds. Before, my approach was to just give advice. Now, my approach is more of helping a person put the puzzle together so they can see the picture. That’s why when I’m talking with someone, I let them do the vast majority of the talking.

    I know it’s hard to stand on the sideline, knowing what’s going to happen and watching it happen anyway (I think every Seattle Seahawks fan knows exactly what that feels like), but when you understand that everyone is on the same level playing field, that everyone is in this world to learn at their own pace, then you can begin to get a feel for each person’s pace and get an idea of how you can flow along with it to best serve them, how to give only what a person is willing to accept.

    As I like to say, “I only say something wise when you need me to; otherwise, I’m just another dumb brute. And not even brute ’cause I’m actually pretty skinny even with all of the exercise…” Yeah, I say all of that.

    By the way, if you accept none of anything that I’ve written here, that’s just fine. I think I’m full of crap, too. Sorry of the length of this reply. 🙂

    1. Yes! I completely agree with all that you’ve said. I generally do this and I am finding I am learning how to become a better listener as I go. I guess this was my way of venting 😉 haha

      When I am around certain people who constantly complain, it is hard to keep my opinions to myself. But, it’s hard telling a person that life is about how they perceive it. They look at me like I’m the crazy one. lol

      1. OMG, I know the feeling. Sometimes I look at myself as the crazy one. Sometimes I look at myself as going sane in a crazy world. And sometimes I just look at myself. That doesn’t sound too vain, does it? I mean, when I need someone to look at me without judgment, I tend to be the person I go to for that.

        Never works, though.

        Anyway, yeah, I totally feel that thing about trying your best to keep your opinions to yourself. There are times when I have to repeat in my head, “Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything.” And then I have to stop myself from laughing because that repetition leads to me thinking some stupid comment to myself…

        Yeah, I think I pretty much earn the weird looks I get. 🙂

      2. hahaha! I can relate to everything you have said! It doesn’t sound vain because I understand exactly what you mean. I can’t speak for the generality of the context, though. ;P

        I think, when it comes down to it, we think too much! lol How do you make it stop?? That is the next great question. Maybe you could solve that one for me.

        I’m sure I pretty much earn the weird looks, too!

      3. I wish I could solve that one for you, but I don’t stop thinking; I’ve simply learned to place a filter between my mind and my mouth. Granted, the filter doesn’t always work, and sometimes doesn’t work when I really need it to work, but I just count those as fun slips. No reason to be hard on myself. And there’s no reason for you to be hard on yourself. We are who we are. We just have to do our best to let people be who they are. That’s all. Nobody’s perfect. And, hesitantly, I’ll even admit that I’m slightly, barely, only a tad bit by the slimmest degree not perfect. Haha. 🙂

  2. I, too, question my existence because many people don’t understand my way of thinking. As a writer I live in the world of my stories, whichever one I happen to be in at the moment. (My characters seem to like me there.) I’m also consumed by fear of rejection and shy away from those who don’t understand me. As a result, I no longer try to fit in and have grown accustomed to being a loner.

    Sorry it took so long to write a comment. I’ve had vertigo for 6 months, and I’m just now starting to feel better, so I’m trying to catch up on my blogger reading. How have you been holding up since the unfortunate incident last summer?

    1. I hope all is well!! As you can see, I haven’t posted in awhile. Although, it isn’t because I haven’t been writing. I’ve been focusing on my book series and really have gotten a lot accomplished. I was having a difficult time writing inspirational articles while I grieved so I decided to pause while I focused on my fictional world!! We are getting along though. Thanks for the comment and thanks for the check up on how we are holding up. I hope that you are okay! How have you been?

      1. I’m doing better. I’m finally coming out of this round of vertigo. I’m not completely well, but better. Hopefully, I can pick up where I left off last summer and get something done. Good job on your book series!

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