A Fate I Thought I Deserved

I saw her face posted on the news.

So many people said, “thought it was you”.

I looked in those eyes and saw her fate.

It was me — Same height, same weight.

Her presence weaves in and out memories

Across the hall, her curls bounce as she turns away from me.

She passes by to celebrate another year of my life,

A glimpse of a forever-youthful smile.

Same age, same classes, same fatal attractions.

Parallel paths with slight over lapses.

I could not sleep — why her and not me

What was the difference between her fate and my destiny?

I had life — so selfishly.

All the times I sought death.

Thinking my like was worthless

brought carelessness.

Dangling myself like bait because of other men’s problems, violence, and rape.

Because I felt damaged — waiting for a chance to escape.

Victimized but left alive . Why?

That summer seemed drawn out.

My heart was waiting —praying she’d be found.

Her bike path passed my apartment complex.

My heart beat out my chest

into my throat. Taken — so close to home.

They found her. I knew they would.

Three months too late buried in the woods.

He sought her out to have a nice time.

Bait and rape — a planned out crime.

She fought with his own knife.

Caught because he was hospitalized.

One less predator because she fought for life.

Her life saved mine — I’d been so blind.

Innocence can be taken but never virtue.

I now look toward the future.

No man could take that away.

I am blessed to live another day.

She will forever be in my heart.

The soul of a survivor plays an immortal part.


5 thoughts on “A Fate I Thought I Deserved

  1. Further to your “Why?” blog, whenever I hear about another life so senselessly taken, I often ask, “Why?” Why do some people seemingly just glide through life while others go through repeated pain? Some get to experience the joy of getting married and having children; then after witnessing the birth of their grandchildren, they die at a ripe, old age. Others go to their grave never knowing if their child is even alive. It’s hard for me to wrap my arms around “All things happen for a reason for those who love God” in the midst of so much sadness.

    1. It’s funny that you say this…I just came back from the wake of one of the victims shot in the Lafayette Theatre shooting (my husband’s cousin) and this very issue has been weighing on me ever since I got the phone call they could not find her. It’s a hard thing to comprehend and accept. She was 21 and had such an amazing future ahead of her. It’s a sad thing.

      1. My hometown of Windsor, CO recently experienced a tragedy. A beloved member of the community, affectionately called “The Mayor,” was shot dead by a sniper who’s still on the loose and terrorizing the northeastern part of Colorado. A Loveland man was also killed about a month ago. Such sadness.

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