Romance is defined in the dictionary as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. If we break this definition down, society’s idea of romance is different from its true meaning. “A feeling of excitement” can be rephrased as ‘a reaction of eagerness’. Have you felt an impulse to gravitate towards someone at first glance? As magical as the idealistic outcome would be, is this considered romance? It’s more along the line of fascination or seduction. The with in “Mystery associated with love.” associates romance with an act towards the abstract idea of love.
In its modernized form, the connotations of romance is the instant arousal and projected possibilities. This insinuates romance fades — a serious misconception. With time, romance doesn’t lose it’s color; it transforms. Unfortunately, this definition is reality today — a microwave instant meal and not the simmering slow cook that concentrates the juices.
Romance should be the recurring action of someone’s thoughts and energy going towards the happiness of the person they love and admire. An act of growing love and not the act of capturing it. The modern concept of romance is obscured and distorted into an impulsive passionate expression of desire.
Are we really so fast-paced and self-absorbed we distort a beautiful concept to fit our social views? Here are four things that kill the true romantic: the entertainment industry, the internet, liberation, and marriage for the wrong reasons.
America’s entertainment industry is one of the largest worldwide; it represents a third of the global industry. A direct reflection of our country’s priorities focusing more on the pleasures than the politics. Our country is a teenager with a huge entitlement problem — no work and all play. To the average american the daily life of a Kardashian is more important and familiar than the names of the politicians running our country and the decisions made that effect us directly.
Americans view celebrities as idols. Their lives are analyzed and mimicked because of society’s desperation for guidance. This creates standards no human could live up to. They influence the minds of the majority letting it be socially acceptable to express themselves by their urges. Celebrities break up and get together loosely and often times dramatically showing no respect or maturity. These are influential people; yet, they hold no accountability for their actions.
Movies are written to show only the first act of a relationship causing unrealistic expectations for long-term ones. Characters in movies are seen as real people. People lose sight of reality.
The internet has vast sources of knowledge and connections never fathomed even a few decades ago. Our lives globalized creating infinite possibilities. But with this comes a choice — utilize the internet to better your reality or create an alternate one.
Face-to-face communication is more personable but less desirable. People post their lives on social networks leaving a very small window of time for mystery. You become the creator of an imaginary world and finding people to accept your reality is easy because they all want and seek the same thing. We live in a world of the now —always wanting instant gratification and validation. Internet makes it easy to find attention and approval. People don’t know or listen to their heart so they follow other people.
We are a liberating generation — gender, sexual, racial. . ext.
Sexual liberation kills the romantic by desensitizing sex. It no longer means commitment or connection but the act of “expressing” oneself. Sexual liberation desensitize desire for your partner by making it easy to look elsewhere (with the help of the internet). Always either longing for something better or always feeling inadequate.
We want liberation as professional individuals. Ironically, most people want their individuality but are constantly seeking others to pattern their lives around. Having a career is directly associated with being “independent” or “strong,” but neither should be defined by your career.
Commitment is looked at as repression. A relationship title defines them, and therefore, limits their identity. The loose terms of commitment creates an undefined establishment of a relationship that leads to insecurities. It creates jealously and envy that put negative vibes toward a potentially happy relationship.
Love for the wrong reasons
People are obsessed with being real but aren’t in touch with reality. Romanticizing is imagining an ideal scenario; but it’s up to you to create your desires. By denying the possibility of more, you cut out the option all together. We seek love and affection but you can’t feel something fabricated from delusions.
Commitment is casual. Marriage is losing its value. Wedding costs rose 3000% since the 1950s. People are getting married for the wedding and not have a wedding for the marriage. We’ve gotten away from it’s true meaning. People prioritize accumulating possessions over intimacy.
People love selfishly but loving someone is putting that person above you. No relationship or marriage comes without conflicts; it’s how those conflicts are handled that define them. How can you expect the romance to last and your love to grow if you never think of the other person? Nourish each others needs. A relationship takes thoughtfulness. Seeking attention in a relationship can relinquish the need for it elsewhere.
Have realistic expectations. It’s not that romance fades it’s that your perception of bright and colorful pieces become a mosaic. Take a step back and see its beauty. Go back to the basics. Take time to learn a persons complexities. But for the most part, it’s the simple gesture that keeps the true romantic alive.