I’m blessed to be able to celebrate such a special day for mothers. A time to appreciate a life changing moment for me— the first time I held my son. I reflect on the moment I saw his sweet face and instantly fell in love. I felt such an overwhelming sense of self-worth. The labor so intense but the reward indescribable. How could such a small soul fill such a huge void I never even knew existed in my life? I think about the amazing gift God gave me and how blessed I am to get to hold him every day.
This chaotic, unpredictable ride has thousands of things go wrong; I feel like a failure on a daily basis. Bodily fluids get on me and crusty food. He will fall or eat something off the floor as soon as I turn my head. I have NO privacy and sometimes no sleep. My hair is a mess; my house is a mess. I blame myself for silly uncontrollable things. I get so exhausted from other people poking their noses in my business and the constant advise. It’s impossible to please everyone despite my emotional craving to. It leaves me crazy sometimes. The emotional ups and downs. The physical exhaustion.
All of these things just make me appreciate him more. Despite these things, I find myself constantly finding humor in the craziness of the day; and finding the humor in its unpredictableness because it slams the brakes on my highly organized and planned out life I’d previously known prior to a child.
I know that no matter what he eats off the floor he still is being fed healthy meals and I know that if he gets a bump all he needs is mommy to kiss his bump. How precious are these moments. These are the reasons why I am changed. Why my void is filled. It allows me to see the innocence in life. I have someone completely dependent on me. He unconditionally loves me and I him. No one can replace the relationship between child and mother. I am his mother. I can never be replaced.